Been there, seen that…

I have covered some ground lately. I left Banos and hired a guy to drive me to Cuenca. Cuenca is pretty far South of Quito in the lower third of Ecuador.

Let me just say that Danny, my driver is a heck of a nice guy but crazy as a loon when it comes to driving. We left at 10:00 am on Tuesday (I think it was Tuesday anyway) and arrived in Cuenca at about 5:30pm. When I got into Dannys truck he pointed out that it was a new truck and was very proud of that fact. It was a fairly new 4 door Chevrolet diesel LUV pickup but what caught my eye was the baldness or lack of tread of the back tires. I remarked in my pigeon Spanish, “Neccata Nuevo Yantas, Danny” (necessary for new tires Danny, I think that’s what it means).

He just smiled and helped me put my bags in the back seat. If you have spent any time in Latin America you will know what machismo is. Bear with me while I release a little of my own machismo: If know me, you know I don’t scare that easy especially when it comes to driving (there, machismo released).

All I can say is “OH-MY-GOODNESS!!!” Apparently, if Danny was going to make good money that day he had to get me to Cuenca in a hurry. Are you familiar with the term “Pucker factor”? I don’t feel the need to explain it if you don’t but let’s just say I may have created little round holes in Danny’s passenger seat as a result of Pucker Factor.

He drove like a man possessed by the spirit of the late great NASCAR legend Dale Earnheart and nothing I could say would slow him down. Now, this wouldn’t have really been all that bad on U.S. roads. The interstates back home are something to behold compared to a lot of what they consider interstate here. Ecuador is really trying to improve the interstates but they aren’t quite there just yet.

The road condition being what it is, seems to magnify the fact that these roads are some of the most hair pin, tire squealing, gut wrenching-no guard rail, sheer cliff drop offs, I have ever experienced. If the driver miss calculates the turn he can expect to know what it feels like to fly because it will be quite a few seconds before impact. Judging some of the drop-offs, I’d say it may take a full 15-25 seconds to hit bottom if you go off the edge at speed.

Remember I mentioned the fact that Danny’s truck had no tread on the rear tires? I guarantee that little fact was never very far from my thoughts especially in the midsts of rounding the many hair pins on the crappy roads. “Danny, slow down!” was uttered by me more than a few times. Danny would always ask for forgiveness and slow down for at least 3 minutes and the cycle would repeat.

I really don’t know why I was such a nervous-nellie, I mean the site of a huge bus on its side just a few feet away from the long plunge into the abyss and the constant passing in the turns by Danny and those coming the other direction just made for a memorable trip, a long sphincter clamping trip.

Cuenca is a beautiful city. Narrow cobble stone streets, old Spanish architecture, big Churches, It was easier to walk to your destination than take a taxi due to the large volume of traffic. Cuenca even seemed more metropolitan than Quito. I hated it. Well, maybe not hated it but couldn’t wait to vamoose. I caught a $60 flight to Quito the next day. Seems that Northern Ecuador has more of what I’m after.

And what am I after? I’ll tell you tomorrow.

By the way, as perhaps a point of interest or even more accurate the nasty reality; I am experiencing something worse than explosive diarrhea. My oldest son Abe coined a phrase that is accurate in describing this condition. He experienced the samething in Guatemala while he was on his mission for the Church (LDS Church) but is too course to write here. It has to do with “spray” coming from a place where a “spray” shouldn't come from. I have already written too much but I wanted to add that I threw a perfectly good pair of socks away as a result of my gastronomic malty.

Lesson learned: “NEVER trust a fart”. (Abe pointed that phrase out to me also, thanks Abe. You have a lot of couth and it's all UN-)